Thursday, February 17, 2011

India v Bangladesh: Its just another Do-Or-Die game

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Mahendra Singh Dhoni: So team...we have a big one first up on Saturday.

And Dhoni kicks off Team India's team meeting on the eve of the 2011 ICC World Cup opener. Dhoni continues

Mahendra Singh Dhoni: So, our process calls for establishing a "theme" for this match. Gary here is taking minutes of this meeting as usual and Suresh you fill up the "World-Cup-Campaign-Kick-Off-Meeting-Checklist" and send it to Greame Smith.

Suresh Raina: Am I playing?

Dhoni acts as if he hasn't heard the question.Dhoni looks around the room. Notices Sehwag has switched off already and Sachin is busy adjusting the various bandages on his fingers. He also notices Yusuf Pathan has a terribly scared look. 

Mahendra Singh Dhoni: Pathan Miyan...what's up with you?
Yusuf Pathan: Yuvi here is making scary faces and I am really scared. 

Dhoni smiles at himself...

Mahendra Singh Dhoni: Yuvi....keep up the good work. Get him as scared as you can
Yusuf Pathan: And this area is all new to me. I have never been to Bangladesh. I don't think its my area. I am really, really scared...Not the scared that gets me to butcher all the bowlers. What kind of a place is this, they have never hosted an IPL. Its completely out of my area...Yuvi! Stop! Please Stop!!

Now Dhoni's smile evaporates...

Mahendra Singh Dhoni: Later tonight, I will take you to the red light areas to get you familiarized with this area

A visibly disinterested Sehwag jumps in and adds

Virendra Sehwag: Its a do-or-die game folks

Dhoni and the rest ignore him

Sachin Tendulkar: Its just another game captain.

Harbhajan Singh: Absolutely. I don't understand what the fuss is about.

Virat Kolhi: Win the toss and bowl first. Can you do it Mahi sir?

Gautam Gambhir: Look Mahi, I have a house warming party back home and that's where my heart is. Let's just get this match over quickly so I can attend the puja over Skype. God knows how you lost to these pesky Bangladeshi's the last time around. Shame on you...

Sachin Tendulkar: Its just another game captain.

Yuvraj Singh: Will they have cheer leaders for the game?

Gary Kirsten is now getting worried. the meeting is getting out of hand and they are no closer to finalizing the theme. "The process" has to be complied with, he is thinking to himself.

Virendra Sehwag: Its a do-or-die game folks. I am telling you

Still no takers. The team ignores Sehwag. Who goes back to being disinterested in the proceedings

Sachin Tendulkar: Its just another game captain.

At this point, Dhoni, in all honesty wishes to walk up to Sachin and throttle him with his bare hands. Instead he keeps his cool.

Mahendra Singh Dhoni: Sachin, "Just another game" can't be a theme. 

Sachin Tendulkar:  Why? Its my world cup so I get to pick the theme.

Harbhajan Singh: Absolutely.

Gary Kirsten: Yes, Sachin you are right

Mahendra Singh Dhoni: Explain yourself Gary...

Gary Kirsten:  As a theme, I see no problem with that. All the process needs is a fucking theme I don't care what the theme is.

Virendra Sehwag: Its a do-or-die game folks. Listen to me!

Gary loses his cool at this point and screams at Sehwag

Gary Kirsten: Explain yourself you fucking prick! How can a first game of a tournament be a make or break game, you idiot!!

Virendra Sehwag: Not considering wins against the minnows; the only time India has ever won the fucking World Cup is when they have won the opening game. If we don't win on Saturday, the World Cup's gone.

Sachin stops fiddling with his bandages

Sachin Tendulkar: Well...this is serious shit. How come none of the so called experts are talking about this? Is this true? Suresh verify this nonsense on Stats Guru... and while you are at it let me know what is my average in world cup operning games....

Suresh Raina: But am I playing? 

Suresh is once again ignored. He dutifully checks all the stats and announces....

Suresh Raina: Viru is correct....

Sachin Tendulkar:  So we have our theme...."Its just another Do-or-Die game"

Gary Kirsten and Mahendra Singh Dhoni are happy. The process has been executed. They have a theme. Suresh Raina, files the minutes from Gary Kirsten, completes the checklist and faxes it to Greame Smith....

1 comment:

Ganesh said...

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