Sunday, February 27, 2011

India Match Report #2: England (A gentleman's agreement)

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Another match; another couple of fake reports about real games, credited to fake people whose given names have no express intention on our side to indicate real people

This report comes from Real Sunil Gavaskar and Real Michael Atherton.

Report from "Real Sunil Gavaskar"

For decades now, people remember my 36* from 60 overs in the 1975 World Cup and greet me with a mixture of secret admiration (mostly Test traditionalists) and open ridicule. Well today I wish to defend myself. That day there was only one man who was not trying to win. That was me....Real Sunil Manohar Gavaskar. A proud Indian

What seemed to have escaped my critics is that no one questioned the English. Had England too not tried to win, the game would have been as exciting as the one we just witnessed at Bangalore.

Report from "Real Michael Atherton"

"Super Hero" Andrew Strauss, almost showed "Comic Hero" Sachin Tendulkar how its done. 

Sachin, who lives in a "fish bowl" and bats under heavy protection; unlike past greats like Sir Don Bradman and Sir Viv Richards, with whom he is wrongly compared to by people in the Indian media working under commercial interests; scored a customary century to bolster his career numbers.

When he got out in the 3rd and dreaded Power-play, leaving his side to fend for itself against a raging Tim Bresnan, he showed no disappointment. He was not even reported to have banged his box, let alone break any TVs.

This prompted fiercely independent Australian great and very much a part of the Indian media to suggest that this proves that Sachin did not want to win as badly as Ponting does. 

Andrew Strauss, originally from South Africa, played a selfless innings for his adopted country England.

Eventually both sides thought its best not to lose than go for the win; which led to the most anti-climactic last ball ever bowled in a tied game. 

Swann had indicated they will not run a second and Dhoni had asked his fielder not to try to throw and try to run out the English. Given that the best fielder of the day on display was bowling, Dhoni had no choice. 

Swann's decision not to try a second run is being investigated by the PCB.

Other irrelevant and fake match reports...
  1. Sri Lanka v Pakistan - By Real Sarfaraz Nawaz and Real Rashid Latif
  2. England v Netherlands - By Real Darren Gough
  3. India v Bangladesh  - By Real Harbhajan Singh


Govind Raj said...

In the end, Tie is a fair result only because neither of them deserved to Win !

Unknown said...

"He was not even reported to have banged his box, let alone break any TVs."


Vidooshak said...

India ran a run short in the last over and also gave up a ball. It's the batmen's fault, of course.. Heh Heh...England should have comfortably won. Zaheer Khan bowled one of his best overs ever. All in all..a great game..

tracerbullet007 said...

are u channeling the Daily Show and the Colbert report with your fake reports? :)

Golandaaz said...

Real Colbert? :-)

straight point said...

i dismiss this report of real atherton straightaway for the simple reason that ashes is not mentioned even once...

Golandaaz said...