Sunday, August 14, 2011

India's cricketers find worldwide support

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On the eve of India's Independence day, Amnesty International has called on World Leaders to intervene and call an end to what it alleges are atrocities carried out by Britain's cricketers against India's defenseless "Prisoners of Corporate Greed". Better known as the Indian cricket team. It further alleges that comments made by Britain's Prime Minister David Cameron; congratulating his cricketers; also implicates him in the atrocities and does not rule out urging the international community to press charges of Human Rights violations against the Prime Minister.

"We demand that India's tour of England be immediately called off. Britain has a responsibility to set an example when it comes to human rights but the way its cricketers are humiliating and degrading India's senior citizens and untrained young men, who have shown no intent of retaliation; Britain's human rights record will not withstand international scrutiny" said an Amnesty International spokesman for cricket related crimes against humanity.

Over in the United States, in an unprecedented criticism of Britain's actions; former Vice President Dick Cheney said that the kind of 'interrogation tactics" the English bowlers used against defenseless, under-prepared, under protected and innocent Indian batsmen was; in his words..."worse than water boarding". Dick Cheney a staunch advocate of "enhanced interrogation techniques" said that humiliating ageing, IPL infected batsmen with bouncy green tops, swing and seam is not something the United States considers "humane". "Its just not something we do...." he added.

Over in India, the non-violent approach adopted by India's cricketers in the face of English atrocities and humiliation, has moved Munna Bhai to tears. Munna Bhai, the lovable gangster turned doctor and Gandhian; decided to end his 90 day fast which he started to lament India's departure from Gandhian values. In a statement he said, "I was wrong. Gandhiji lives in our cricketers. No matter what the English threw at us, our boys just never responded. While watching, even I had the urge to just pick up the phone and call Circuit to 'take care' of Broady, Cooky and Jimmy, but our cricketers inspire me to refrain from anything stupid. Most of our cricketers are Gandhiji's age when he started the non-violent movement for Independence. I think age is doing wonders for our cricket team"

Munna Bhai broke his fast by feasting on Wada Paavs and buckets of strawberries and cream, Wimbledon-ishtyle. After Circuit reminded Munna Bhai..."Aaj dry day hai bhai...." Munna settled for Boost for drinks.

For years now, economists the world over have been warning us about the widening gap between the rich and the poor. At a meeting in Shanghai of the world's leading economists, Nobel Prize winning economist Paul Krugman labelled the series as a series between the "Haves and the Have Nots".

"Of course in this context we are talking about basic cricketing skills and intelligence but the series is a perfect model using which we can project how scary the world will be if we allow the gap between the rich and the poor to grow beyond sustainable levels" said Paul Krugman who is widely expected to win a second Nobel Prize for his work on the series.

Explaining his analysis, Krugman says, "Look in the First test, India won the toss invited England to bat, then could not get them all out and when their turn came to bat, they nearly followed on. Then in the 3rd Test, they could not avoid the follow-on in spite of batting twice! Legally they should have lost by 2 innings and 42 runs. From an economic sense, this is like the poor living off of just tips and gratuities offered by the rich".

Krugman added that purely from an academic standpoint, he is grateful to India's cricketers for giving him a ready made Test case to prorate his economic models for the impact of widening wealth gap.

While international intervention is eagerly awaited, India's cricketers have found a helping hand from the famous spin quartet. A few decades ago, Bedi, Prasanna, Chandra and Venkatraghvan had faced similar humiliation at the hands of Imran Khan, Javed Miandad and Zaheer Abbas. Bedi who was so traumatized by the series developed an involuntary defense mechanism centered around cynicism and sarcasm, said that "I want to make sure Sachin does not suffer the way I suffered." then seemingly unable to control another bout of sarcasm, he said...."Once you have this disease, its not like you can pick-and-choose what you want"

BCCI cheer leaders, Sunil Gavaskar and Ravi Shastri said, "England are just jealous of the IPL".

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