Friday, June 1, 2012

2nd grader announces retirement from international cricket

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In a meticulously arranged press conference that could have put Rahul Dravid to shame, a 2nd grade student from the deep interiors of North India; Tinku Sharma; today announced his retirement from Tests, ODIs and T20 Internationals cricket for India. He will be available to play in T20 leagues across the globe
It is indeed a reflection of the time we live in on many dimensions, the least of which is why the press even showed up for such a non-event to cover announcements from non-entities.
There isn’t any reason for anyone to care for or even know who Tinku Sharma is. He is just a normal kid. Well, as normal as one can be, growing up in the villages of India being raised by a father who is smitten by the IPL. Tinku, has not played any organized cricket and the only remotely verifiable claim of his cricketing orientation and expertise comes from his father’s recounting of the repertoire of shots his first born possesses at such a young age including the switch hit, dilscoop, the sweep (reverse of course) and the lofted shot over mid wicket.
As the press conference unfolded, many wanted to know the reason why some one who does not even represent India would announce retirement from the game.
“Well, I want Tinku to focus on the IPL and if he ever gets good enough to be picked for India, it would be a loss of millions of dollars to our family” said Sharad, Tinku’s father who is a Post Master at the local post office and a man of meager means.
Another dimension of this is of course the lure of the IPL and its long term impact.
Critics of the IPL were quick to point out the bad influences of the IPL that is driving young cricket enthusiasts away from the desire to play for their country.
Kirti Azad, a key member of the World Cup winning 1983 Indian cricket team, used this development to go on a hunger strike to protest the far reaching impacts of the IPL and the undesirable choices it is forcing our children to make.
In response, The BCCI is said to have initiated the process to recover all monies paid to Kirti Azad during his playing career; adjusted for inflation.
Ravi Shastri however countered that saying “When someone gets a stomach upset, it's because of the IPL. If someone gets an outside edge, it's because of the IPL”. He was suggesting that blaming everything on the IPL is the trend these days. He further implied that all less than profusely praiseworthy observations about the IPL need to be treated as “criticism” driven by jealousy or ignorance of market economics or both.
BCCI inside sources revealed that Ravi’s name will be forwarded to the President of India for Champion of Bharat Ratna
Tinku, who is a huge fan of Kevin Pietersen and considers him his God said, “Yes there is Sachin Tendulkar I am told but ever since I started watching cricket I think Kevin is more Godier than Sachin. Sachin can play only with one hand”
Sachin Tendulkar when approached for a comment said, “I started batting right handed on my own. No one can tell me which hand to use. I will silence all my critics”
Rajeev Shukla (IPL) and Ratnakar Shetty (BCCI) in a joint statement said, “If and when we decide to have an auction for 2nd graders in the IPL, Tinku will be considered. As for this retirement, we have yet to receive anything in writing”.


Soulberry said...

Likely scenario. Probably already happening across India. Like kids of a generation or two, or even more, quit everything else to be Sachin, same can happen all over again with IPL being the idol.

I think people should stop watching IPL...that way kids will be saved. Who knows, some of them might end up vying for batting spots on the Test team alongside Sachin.

Watching IPL encourages such retirements amont the population.

Vidooshak said...

Soulberry -

The way it's unfolding....there will be no one wanting to play test matches and Sachin will continue to play due to his sense of "duty" and "fairness" until he is 50 years old or longer....